My writings are just beginning to be read, but there are no evangelists for it yet save me and 3 or 4 others. And I wonder if the time this is taking will prove its undoing.
Time means I get many different readers but they only see and then forget. They don't interact with others because of me; they don't even talk to themselves about the work. The words are read only in the literal physical sense, and are only timeless in that this medium does not go away.
What is critical is not merely that I am read, but discussed. And I don't mean this as ego-gratification. Perhaps love is possessiveness, and if so, love relies on selfishness even to give.
For all my problems - my egotism, my imprudence, my laziness, and my awful whining - I saw that tension and hoped it would make me substantial.
It is entirely up to others to possess me, to take my words and cherish them. I don't ask it because I want to dominate them. I could care less if I am discussed in secret, or even only remembered in the quiet beats of the heart.
I need this because otherwise, it will have all been for naught. I don't stand substantial unless regarded as substantial.
Posted by substantial at 6:24 a.m.